There's What in the Mail?
by TheCrazyMe
Summary: A normal day for Audrey and Analise Bayer until a giant something comes in the mail...Wait it just moved! OC pairings to be determined later if any,
1. Extra mail for us?

**Chapter -01 **

**Hello!~_ This is my first fanfic so I hope you enjoy!_**

_**Sadly, I do not own Hetalia **_

_**This is based off of the manuals by LolliDictator (which if you haven't read you really should)**_

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><p>I had just finished frying some of my favorite pancakes(called <em>Oladi)<em> when there was a knock at the door. I glanced at my sister, who sent me a confused look also. The question was _Who_ _could be at our door? It's 7:30 a.m... _

Well, we didn't get any visitors save for our brother on holidays, the mailman , and the occasional traveler. It wasn't our brother-he was coming in a few months, or the mailman- he just came 35 minutes ago. So being the person that I was, I automatically assumed it was a killer or burglar or bank robber or outlaw of some kind. By the time we got to the door, I was almost shaking with nerves. My sister carried a bat we kept in the coat closet(for these situations), I got there first and swung open the door to a guy in a mint green suit.

I blinked and sighed in relief. He's not the average scary looking criminal at least...

He looked at me strangely " Not the usual reaction I get..."

"Y-yes?" I was honestly expect a serial killer or something..

"Is this the residence of Analise and Audrey Bayer?"

My sister looked at a huge box behind him" Yeah, that's us." she mumbled

"Then if you would please sign." He handed me a signing thingie.

I signed and he wheeled the box,_ with chains_, into the livingroom.

On his way out he handed my a booklet. He turned and looked at me in almost pity and said "Good luck."after that he left.

"Oookaay, what is this?"

my sister sighed

"Maybe we can find out by that book thing he gave you."

I looked at the cover it read in bold letters,

**Ivan Braginski : User Guide and Manual:**

_**Congratulations!**_ You have just purchased your very own **IVAN BRAGINSKI **unit. This manual was written in order to allow you, the owner, to unlock your unit's full potentials, and it is advised that you read this before trying anything. Mistreatment of the **IVAN BRAGINSKI **unit can (and, in most cases, will)

prove extremely lethal.

"Hm...Ivan Braginski?" I murmured. My sister gasped as she read over my shoulder.

"_Ivan Braginski_?" "You gotta be kidding me! We are so dead...good by life I will miss you.."

I just looked at her skeptically as she sat in a corner grumbling to herself.

"Well it can't be that bad now,"I patted her head as I went to get a crowbar and a lockpick. I handed her the lockpick and watched as she slowly picked the lock for the chains.

I read through the manual until something caught my eye

**_Removal of your _IVAN BRAGINSKI _unit from packaging:_**

This may prove to be an extremely difficult task if your **IVAN BRAGINSKI **unit is moved incorrectly, or awakened in the wrong manner. For your safety, we have provided a list of safe ways in which to wake your unit:

1. Stand next to the box and yell, "Brother!" at the top of your lungs. You will hear sobbing from the box, and you can now unlock and unchain it and open it to let a frightened** IVAN BRAGINSKI **out. He will react warmly once he realizes that you are not a **NATALIYA ARLOVSKAYA **unit.

2. Undo the chains on the box and stand very far away, preferable at a distance from which you have to use a microphone in order to shout, "The American Armstrong walked on the moon!" You can also yell, "I'm AWESOME!" Both actions will make your** IVAN BRAGINSKI **unit hostile, though the second phrase might make your unit a bit horny; consequently, he may go off in search of a **GILBERT BEILSCHMIDT **unit before you can reprogram him.

3. Cook Chinese food, preferably a food with a strong odor, and leave a plate of it next to the box before standing far away. Be warned, the lid may fly off and hit you if you are too close. This will make your **IVAN BRAGINSKI **unit leave in search of a **YAO WANG **unit unless you reprogram him quickly enough.

4. Play the Lithuanian, Estonian, or Latvian national anthems and stand far away, preferably behind a barrier of some sort. This will make your unit violent and he will go to find a **TORIS LORINAITIS **unit unless you reprogram him quickly enough.

5. If you think you can manage, then just open the lid of the box and reprogram him directly. Be warned, because the **IVAN BRAGINSKI **unit is notorious for waking up in the middle of reprogramming, and if he does he will immediately turn hostile.

_ Horny?Hostile?_

I glanced at the box warily, Why would someone send us something so dangerous and life threatening? "Well it seems our friend here isn't quite the early riser.."

Ana snorted " No shit sherlock, what could have _possibly _given you _that_ idea?"

"Oooh your sarcasm is _killing me_" I glared at her lightly.

"Well we could try cooking Chinese food?..." she suggested. I scoffed

"Yeah cuz' I wanna get knocked out by a box in the morning..."

"Then how about number 1?"

"I guess so..." she looked at me and grinned slightly"Since only one of us can speak Russian, you can do the honors!~"

"Fine,fine I'll sacrifice myself to the hostile thing in the box while you hide in safety..._thanks soo much_ for worrying!"

"Thanks Audrey!" She pushed me up to the box and darted behind the nearest wall. I just rolled my green eyes at her.

I took a deep breath and channeled my inner Belarus**"****_брат!_**_**брат**,waaake up noow_!"Geez, my voice scared myself a little...

I waited for a reaction of some kind...and waited.. and waited..

Finally after a good 6 minutes I got bored and picked up the crowbar.

Ana scrambled from the wall "Wait! Are you sure you want to suffer an early death, and leave me here with a scary maniac?"

"Stop over exaggerating." truthfully I doubted my sanity at this point..Was I so bored to open a box with a hostile Russian inside?

Yes...yes, I was that bored.

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><p><strong>Whew! I lived! I know it's kinda short and I'll try to get the next one up soon and make it longer~<strong>

**Tell what you think about it please!Constructive criticism is welcomed.**

**Please review and tell me what you think ! ~**


	2. Wait it's not what we thought?

**Waaaa! I'm sorry for not updating sooner! School work/ homework/ writer's block has kept me away… I also kinda started another story when I really shouldn't have- I should have just said no to myself….Oh~ And please review! I makes me wanna write, _nya~_ _=3_**

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><p>I kept trying to wedge to crowbar into the side of the box for awhile.<p>

Finally I gave up on the crowbar with a sigh.

"Hey dude, ya know there's a latch right?"

Ana called out to me and I glared back

"You didn't think I would've liked to know that BEFORE?"

Flipping the painfully obvious latch I peered into the large crate. Huddled into the corner was most definitely not a large Russian. In fact it was a small boy wide purple eyes and those eyes were fixed on me-

" U-um privet.." I stuttered, suddenly the boy stood with a wide smile (even though his head didn't even reach half the crate's height),

"Privet! You are not Natalya, Da?" I knew I wasn't Natalya

"No I'm not my name is Audrey what is yours?" He cocked his head to the side adorably and looked hopeful.

"My name is Ivan. Are you Mother Russia?"

"U-um I-I guess you can call me that…"

I sighed I just couldn't say no huh?

"Hey Audrey is it safe yet? Are you still alive?" I fac palmed but didn't answer Ana, then she freaked.. "OH NO THE SCARY RUSSIAN GOT HER! I'M GONNA DI-" "Ana…" "PLEASE HELP ME!" then she ran into the hallway and straight into the crate followed by a small giggle.

I sighed once again "Hmm Ivan are you hungry? I made some pancakes." "Da!"

I got the feeling that my life got a little more exciting...

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><p><strong><em> Next Day...<em>**

*knock knock*

"Ana get that please" I called from the kitchen.

"Awwww c'mon! I'm on level 50!"

"And your 22 but whining like a little baby.." I mumbled "Hey!"

I opened the door to the same guy in a mint green suit with **_three_**_ boxes_. He blushed as soon as he saw me which confused me.

"I have a package for-" "Oooo! Our package is here~" My sister sang skipping to the door.

She glanced at the boxes, the delivery guy, and then what I was wearing and grinned. This morning I decided to wear a nice strapless sundress that reached my knees since it was warm outside. I saw nothing wrong with it as I looked down at myself and frowned. _Does it look bad?_

"Hmmmm~**Someone** has a cruuuush~" Ana snickered

"There's no need for such uncouth behavior Ana," I chided as I signed the pad, "You can bring them into the living room, Mr...?"

"A-ah Robert. My names Robert."

I gave a small smile despite my lingering confusion"Well, thank you, Robert."

5 minutes after the mint green truck pulled away we stood staring once again at boxes taller than us. I grabbed the manual for the closest box and opened the cover and read it aloud.

"**GILBERT BEILSCHMIDT**? Ana know this one?" she snorted and went to grabbed the others immediately also reading them "**FRANCIS BONNEFOIS** and **ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO**. Audrey I don't wanna get raped!"

Being half the Hetalia fan my sister was I didn't really recognized the names.."Well let's just open this box," pointing to the closer one. Flipping to activating I looked at our options warily look at the box. I went to get beer from the fridge.

When I came back my sister scrunched up her face "Ugh, that stuff will kill you one day." "Yeah, yeah it's not for me calm down. Besides that non alcoholic crap you drink isn't real beer is the real German beer!" I took a sip and poured some on the crate.

Not a second later clawing came from the inside. I flinched back as the box exploded revealing a semi-frantic albino. I sipped it again and wordlessly handed him the rest. He chugged it down in no time then looked at me.

I stared back wary at the grin spreading on his face " Wanna see my 5 meters?"

He didn't let me answer though as he groped me from behind. I

paniced and yelled in French "Lâchez-moi! Arrêtez maintenant! Laissez aller!"

"Ohonhon~Do I hear the langue de _l'amour_!" the other crate busted open and out stepped a French man."Francis!"The albino let go of me and went to his friend " _Prusse_!"

I huffed and looked up in time to see my sister grinning and drop kicking a red blob out the window."_ Mi tomate!" _a blur ran past me out the door.

I just sat there dazed._ What in the world just happened?_

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><p><strong>Yaayy! Done with that hehe left ya with a lil cliffy~ Hoped that was ok<br>**

_ Remember please Review and you'll get cookies~nya~  
><em>


	3. Extra Stress and Extra Mess

I sat there among the chaos that continued. I had tried to get everyone in one place but it was fruitless. There was an albino running after our cat Inu who chased after a yellow bird, knocking things over as they went. Francis was making suggestive motions towards my sister, who hid behind what I assumed to be a Spaniard who was playing with a turtle that appeared from nowhere. All the while I sat on the floor thinking about our roommates who were going to walk through the door at any moment, one of them who would kill me for not taking care of the house and another that would just add to the mess. Then I noticed Ivan who just smiled at me and patted my head albeit a bit too hard. All I heard was the occasional 'Ohonhonhon~' or 'Kesesese' when the phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Oh Audrey its Landra, did you or Anna happen to order anything from the mail recently?"

"U-um," I looked over to Anna who was arguing with Francis who just laughed "Not that I know of… why?"

"Well it seems Kitty and I received two crates with children inside… I assumed you two had something to do with it."

"Oh c'mon! Why would you just assume-CRASH 'Mein Gott!'-that we had something to do with it? Give us some credit!" I continued trying to ignore the sounds of the livingroom being destroyed.

"Then what was that?"

"Just nothing! Soo, why are you calling?"

"Yeah, our class ended a week early so we're flying back tonight. We should arrive in the morning or early afternoon. Please don't destroy the place while I'm gone."

I sighed "Well, when you get back,be open minded please?"

"Geez, what have you gotten yourself into..."

"I honestly don't know. I don't know how long I can survive...Get back soon, I beg you."

I went into the kitchen to make ldinner with Ivan trailing behind me.

"Mother Russia, who was that on the phone?" I looked at his curious eyes. "Just a friend of mine, you will get to meet them soon."

Then Ana stuck her head in while the albino came in and stopped midstep. He bent down and stared blankly at Ivan and Ivan stared back innocently. Seconds later he bursted out laughing.

"KESESESE!Gott!Look at was happened to the unawesome you!Kesesese~!" Ivan frowned at his comments. Gilbert was to distracted by himself to notice Ana repeatedly stole food from his plate while Ivan giggled and put something suspicious in his drink... I could practically feel grey hairs growing.*Sigh*

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><p><strong>Annd done for now barely 500 words*Fail*..Ehhh crappy chapter is crappy but I will try to update sooner than before to make up for it! Remeber to review~ they keep me alive D:<strong>


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